A black television screen Snow white and black Deep and open Splashing against the windows Looking out onto a three-terrace town There’s a garden, grey-green And cherry blossoms
Get in in the morning (All seasons here, saved for a rainy day) Climb in beside you (A part of a hole) Watch the clock for half an hour (An orange and its peel) It’s cold on the outside
There’s steam on the windows (A star in a night sky) And I put myself there all the time (A gentle beauty) You let me forget again And I snore on and on You let me forget again Forget how it feels to be wrong
If I could show her completely (Funny how everything makes you feel low when you’re already low) But it comes out so drunkardly now (Lying on the bed, the light-bulb banging down) Fall over on my words (Get up, pull the sheet from the window to see the rain still coming down)
That peace when the door slams (Downstairs there’s hot coffee, sit down to a cigarette) Soon shattered the hot light (Down to the filter, another and down to my last) I came so well-oiled (Another and my last penny)
You let me forget again (4 a.m. 6 feet down. Already up with the larks) And I came stumbling through You let me forget again (4 a.m. 6 feet down. Already up with the larks)
Now and again it seems worse than it is, But mostly the view is accurate. You see your breath in the air as You'll climb up the stairs To that coffin you call your apartment. And you sink in your Chair, brush the snow from your hair And drink the cold away. And you're not really sure What you're doing this for But you need something To fill up the days. A few more hours. There's a dream in my brain That just won't go away. It's been stuck there since it came A few nights ago And I'm standing on a bridge in the town where I lived as a kid With my mom and my brothers. And then the bridge disappears and I'm standing on air With nothing holding me. And I hang like a star, Fucking glow in the dark, For all those starving eyes to see, Like the ones we've wished on. But now I'm confused. Is this death really you? And do these dreams have any meaning? No. No, I think it's more like A ghost that's been following us both. Something vague that we're not seeing,
What the hell was I thinking??? -- Things just might turn around and change??? The nerve of me to think that I even deserve anything more than all these crap I'm getting.
While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.
- Leonardo da Vinci
They tell us that suicide is the greatest piece of cowardice... that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person.
